It's the launch of “A Dance in Time” tonight and I have almost no hair.
I have almost no hair because I have been having cancer treatment and last week, it started to fall out. In clumps. (Great timing!)
So what to do? I could wear a wig. I could wear a scarf. I could wear a hat.
Except wigs are tight and uncomfortable, a scarf makes me feel like Mystic Meg and I've never been a hat person.
A part of me wants to disguise that I've been sick. I've always taken pride in being Ms-fit-and-healthy, with my walking, jogging, yoga and dance and my vegetarian diet.
And I don't want the cancer, or the treatment, overshadowing the book. The launch is about the book.
And I know signifiers of sickness make some people uncomfortable.
As do women without hair.
Yes, it's a girl thing. My new hairstyle is the same as my brothers' and nobody has ever suggested to any of them that they should wear a wig.
“Oh quit it, sis,” says brother Cathal. “At least yours will grow back.”
But for now, this is how it is.
And that's what wins it in the end. I might wish it otherwise but this is how it it is.
So I have decided: no wig, no scarf, no hat.
Just me, in front of the audience, bald.
Just me, just as I am.